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Thomas was born two months prematurely in October of 1968. I donapos;t remember much about this, I was just a few days short of my third birthday and my Mom and I were in Denver visiting my maternal grandparents. Thomasapos;s lungs werenapos;t developed enough and he died of hyaline membrane disease.

As a child I really didnapos;t understand how hard this must have been for my parents, especially my mother, who was only 21 at the time. I remember my father telling me how he got the news that Thomas had been born prematurely and made a mad trip from San Jose to Denver in our 1965 Oldsmobile Cutlass. He told me how he drove until he couldnapos;t any more and picked up a stranger in a diner who said that he was a limo driver and needed a ride to Denver. My Dad went to sleep and said that when he woke up he looked over at the speedometer and saw that it was pegged out at 120MPH and went back to sleep. When I was a few years older and could understand a little bit about what had happened I just remember thinking that it was sad that I didnapos;t have a little brother.

But even as a child I knew that everything came with a price. I wondered if Thomas had lived if my parents would have had both of my sisters, Ellen and Courtney. I thought that it would be pretty neat to have a little brother, but I also wanted to have both of my sisters and couldnapos;t imagine what it would be like if I didnapos;t have them, this despite the fact that we sometimes fought like the Kilkenny cats.*

*Much of this was due to the fact that neither one of my sisters recognized the authority that I felt I earned by virtue of being the oldest child. The way I saw it was that if Dad wasnapos;t around Mom was in charge and if Mom wasnapos;t around Dad was in charge and if neither one of them was around then I was in charge. This made perfect sense to me but my parents refused to back me up on this concept of authority and my sisters, neither one of whom is particularly inclined to take a lot of shit off of anybody, probably wouldnapos;t have had anything to do with it even if they had.
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